Holden in therapy
by niousha75
Summary: After reading his diary (the novel), Holden's therapist finally meets him for the first time. This is their first conversation.


I was going through his journal, when I heard the knock on the door. This patient, Holden Caulfield, was just sent to the hospital. Apparently some other doctor had diagnosed him with Aspergers syndrome, and I was just about to become his therapist, to start his recovery. He wrote a journal of his past four days, to help us understand the level of his illness. After I read his journal (and realized what a good writer he is), we were about to meet for the second time.

"Come in" I said, quite excited to meet him again. After a moment, a tall skinny boy walked in.

"Hi." He took off his hat (what I assume was his hunting hat) and paused.

"Take a sit." I said. It was rather odd to meet him again after reading his journal. It felt like a journey through his mind. He sat down and looked ready to start the session.

"So, tell me about your mother." I asked, knowing how much he'd hate the kind of question.

"My mom" he responded, thinking _that's the phoniest thing a therapist could say._ "She's kind and all. She's real nice, specially since I'm the only goddamn moron in the whole family. She gave me real nice presents. Like those ice-skating skates she gave me." I took some notes down. He felt this guilt, assuming he was the most worthless person in his family. Having other siblings who were very bright in one area (school/academics), had made him believe that he was an idiot. Although, his opinion of his family showed, that he did not blame anyone for feeling this way, but himself. That was the first step to recovery: increase his self-confidence. Behind all the scenes and moments when he tries to fit in and change, like any other typical teenager, this boy had some real insecurity issues.

"She's nice like Phoebe". Holden compared his sister with his mother. Since he brought Phoebe up, I asked him to talk more about her.

"Old Phoebe kills me". Holden said with a sudden excitement in his voice. "She kills everyone. Anyone who has some senses anyway. You'd like her. She's real smart. She's got straight A's and everything." I wrote down some more notes. Phoebe, besides being an example of his insecurity issues (since she's good in school), is the most pure thing in Holden's life. I immediately thought about one paragraph in his journal: catching the kids from falling off the cliff. I had this idea that the cliff represents adulthood in Holden's mind and by catching the kids from falling, he's catching them from becoming adults, and losing their innocence. Another time he was furious about this problem, was when he read the words "Fuck you" in school. He immediately imagined the kids who'll read those words for the first time, losing their purity and falling off the cliff. Holden saw it as his duty to save Phoebe, and children like her, from becoming people who later on Holden refers to them as "Phony". Although D.B. hasn't been mentioned too often in Holden's journal, I still believed he played a major part in his life. Holden witnessed a transition from an innocent child to an adult; such as D.B, who has changed from a talented writer, to Hollywood to make _movies. _D.B. is the reason why Holden wants to become the Catcher in the Rye.

"She's smart like Allie." Holden said.

I asked him to talk more about Allie.

"Allie was real smart. He was really nice too. That's why I always go back to that day when he wanted to come with us, and tell him to get his bike and just come with us. I sometimes talk to him too. I mean I'm not crazy or anything. I know he's dead and all… but I just like to talk to him." That was another sign of why he needed therapy. He was still living with memory of his brother, more than he should. Most importantly, he talked to Allie when he was lonely and he was truly _himself,_ in need of support. Allie was one of the reasons the therapist diagnosed him with Asperger's syndrome. Allie brought up the true Holden in his journal. Underneath all that complains and cynical comments that most people see, he had a big problem that was more than just a teenage faze. He had been through a lot, and death of his brother was simply too much.

"Putting your family members aside, tell me about your friends" I asked. "How about Jane?"

"Old Jane." He said with a smile, as if remembering a pleasant dream. "She's a really interesting girl. What she'd do, is she'd keep all her kings in the back row, for no reason, just kept them all in the back row." It interested me how he paid attention to the smallest details.

"But then she went out with that goddamn Stradlater. That's what gets me real mad. I mean you take a guy like Stradlater who thinks he's a goddamn Prince or something, and that everyone wants to serve him; but he doesn't even care if Jane keeps her kings in the back row or not. He probably doesn't even know if it's Jane or Jean for Gods sake!" As Holden was talking, I was remembering a few passages from his journal about Jane. She was much more than a friend to him. In some ways, she was a kid who hasn't fallen off yet. She and Holden were together on that cliff, with all those children. Jane was the perfect example of what the Holden wanted the kids to become. She was one of the only ones in his life, who hadn't fallen off that cliff, and was possibly caught by Holden. Another step in Holden's therapy, should be expressing his feelings to girls. I knew that he had a couple of relationships before, and he fooled around, but that was all: fooling around. Holden didn't truly love any of those girls, except for Jane. It was another case of Holden's true self, behind all those scenes of fooling around, trying to fit in.

"That's what gets me real mad. That's why I hate movies too. You take a guy like Stradlater who only cares about what time Jane signed out for, and you take a girl like Jane who's just so nice and mature (like when she touches back of your neck and all), and you put them together in a picture. Boy do I hate those sons of bitches who just give all those money for a goddamn picture that's not even good." Holden's love for books and his loath toward movies fascinated me. For some reason he liked reading things and visualizing them himself, but he did not like someone else putting the scenes together for him. I though a book could be just as phony as a movie, if that was his problem, but Holden sometimes used that as an excuse. I sometimes thought if it was because books are for children as well, but movies (specially not cartoons) are for adults. Maybe he was trying to save himself from falling, by just holding to one childish habit. In some ways he did act like a child, for instance how he's stubborn and believed that _all _movies were bad.

This behavior reminded me of something.

"What happened to those ducks?" I asked curiously. "The ones who lived in the lagoon in Central Park, before it freezes up?"

"The ducks…" Holden remembered. "I asked a few cab drivers about them; none of them seemed to know. They all looked as if I was crazy or something. I mean how would YOU feel if you found out your home (which you lived in for months) had just turned to a goddamn _ice rink?!_ Everyone passes through that park, but no one seems to even care about the ducks. Not even those who used to come and feed them. They never wonder what happens to those old ducks in winter." I was astonished by his thoughts. In spite the fact that he came from a wealthy family, and his age, he seemed to be curious in the smallest things. It was another sign of him holding on to a childish act. Reminded me of my four year old cousin, who questions everything, regardless of their size or significance in our eyes. It makes me sad to see people like Holden, become outsiders and lonely, while they have such wonderful thoughts, and big heart.

Holden Caulfield was a lost teenager, when he walked out of Penecy Prep. His past, such as losing his brother or feeling guilty for not being as intelligent as his other family members, were too much for him and thus caused him his health. To top it all, he was only a sixteen year old, going through the horrible years of puberty and teenage years. Underneath those childish actions, and judgmental thoughts, he was a truly kind-hearted young man, who just had to fit in with the society. He was trying so hard to distinguish himself from other adults such as his peers, and stay as a tall 6 year old forever.

"I'll see you tomorrow Holden" I said. "By the way, they migrate south with the rest of the birds."


End file.
